Excuse my absence as of late. I’ve been incredibly busy forcing my dogs to pose for photos, taking pictures of flowers with my iPhone, and eating pumpkin bread. I promise to be better.
I’m aware that my blog is getting way too dog-oriented. I hope you appreciate my awareness.
With that being said, if your Monster was part of a Monster meetup and spent a day frolicking with other Monsters at the beach, you would gravitate towards dog-oriented posts too. Believe me!
Excuse the ridiculously poor photo quality. I was trying to not get run over by the Monster stampede.
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Up until about 6 months ago, The Monster drove me batshit crazy. He was a humongous, misbehaved teenager with excessive energy and an attitude problem. Once he officially outweighed me, there was no controlling him. I fell really hard a couple times during walks (because he sprints after other dogs) and developed anxiety about walking him. I was a hands-off mom, which was hard on the poor Husband.
And then one day, The Monster was less of an asshole. And the following day even more so. With his new found maturity I decided it was time to face my fears. I downed an Ativan with a glass of wine and ventured out with my giant beast. We made it a few blocks before my heart started palpitating. But I came home unscathed and congratulated myself for my show of courage. Each day thereafter, Dexter and I walked a little further and I got a little more comfortable and we continued to work on his training. Today, I’m proud to announce to you all (because I know you care about these things) that we hit the two mile mark without a single incident!
With a lot of training, a dash of patience and a dose of prescription medication, I am now one of those people who can take a casual stroll with her animal!
There was lots of laying around and ingesting liquids this weekend. And not a drop of it contained alcohol. I prioritized my health you guys!
In other news…I started the highly publicized trilogy Fifty Shades of Grey to see what all the hype is about. I’m not far enough in to give a proper review, but I will say, the writing is elementary and hard to stomach. I’m curious, though, how a book categorized under “erotica” made it to the top of the New York Times’ best seller list. Remind me to look up her publicist when I need to market my book.
I am imitating a very important person this week as I had the pleasure of hearing Ms. Ashley Judd speak of her childhood abuse at a womens’ luncheon this afternoon and have been invited to sit in the presence of the Dalai Lama on Wednesday morning for a speech on peace and justice. The freaking Dalai Lama you guys. Just another day in the life.
Seriously though, I scored the invites through work and I feel pretty lucky to be enlightened by His Holiness. Also, Ashley Judd is the image of health and beauty. She glows.
And last but not least, we took The Monster on a long walk this weekend and I forced him to take some pictures with me. He’s growing up so fast.
On Saturday, we took a stroll by the beach and an impromptu photo shoot happened. You guys, The Monster attracts more attention than Kim Kardashian and there was a small group surrounding us while The Husband took snapshots. I now know what it’s like to be a B-list celebrity.
Between the wind, the crowd and Dexter’s curiosity, I was battling a whole shitload of elements. The photos aren’t perfect, but it’s a pretty good depiction of a day in the life of The Monster.
Some of my regular readers are probably confused by the appearance of the zig zag rug the Monster ate several months ago. Well, he only ate part of it and since I’m crafty, I craftily disguised the two foot tear under the bed in our guest room. As for the holes he chewed in the middle…we’re sitting on them. It’s nothing fancy, but it works for now.