I’m aware that my blog is getting way too dog-oriented. I hope you appreciate my awareness.
With that being said, if your Monster was part of a Monster meetup and spent a day frolicking with other Monsters at the beach, you would gravitate towards dog-oriented posts too. Believe me!
Excuse the ridiculously poor photo quality. I was trying to not get run over by the Monster stampede.
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On Saturday, we took a stroll by the beach and an impromptu photo shoot happened. You guys, The Monster attracts more attention than Kim Kardashian and there was a small group surrounding us while The Husband took snapshots. I now know what it’s like to be a B-list celebrity.
Between the wind, the crowd and Dexter’s curiosity, I was battling a whole shitload of elements. The photos aren’t perfect, but it’s a pretty good depiction of a day in the life of The Monster.
I mostly stayed home this weekend except for Saturday night. I think congratulations are in order you guys. During the day, I baked (recipe coming this week), I folded a lot of laundry and I forced Dexter to participate in an iPhone shoot with me. This is why I should really maintain a social life.
Cuddle with a monster this weekend. It’s good for your heart.
Some of my regular readers are probably confused by the appearance of the zig zag rug the Monster ate several months ago. Well, he only ate part of it and since I’m crafty, I craftily disguised the two foot tear under the bed in our guest room. As for the holes he chewed in the middle…we’re sitting on them. It’s nothing fancy, but it works for now.
I’m a hypersensitive person. This means I scream louder than most of the population when the Monster chews right through my brand new zigzag rug.
I guess I could blame the quality of the rug or I could blame myself for leaving a 150 lbs puppy alone for 4 minutes. I now have two options: make pillows out of the leftovers; cut off the torn part and create a smaller rug for the kitchen. Both require sewing skills, which I don’t have. Anyone?
Monster 
+ Anything I remotely care about
= Food
Two extremely poignant happenings have marked my place in adulthood:
That’s right, you guys. I’m officially a black coffee drinking art collector. Last week, I was perusing MFMB and nearly expired when I spotted one of Jenny’s masterpieces. I think I experienced the feeling one must experience when one comes across a piece of art that truly moves them. Toasting Marshmallows moved me. But the mother effer was sold. I immediately contacted Jenny and professed my love for her art and she in turn agreed to paint something special for me.
Now I’m waiting anxiously for my painting. How good is her stuff?
Per my iPhone. Excuse this lazy post.
Two pomegranate margaritas led to a two hour nap on Sunday afternoon.
The Monster hanging out in his usual spot on the staircase.
Me and my ewok taking in the heat in Palm Springs.
My brother teaching me how to be cool.
All BBQs from this day forward should involve tequila and ginger ale.
Up until about 6 months ago, The Monster drove me batshit crazy. He was a humongous, misbehaved teenager with excessive energy and an attitude problem. Once he officially outweighed me, there was no controlling him. I fell really hard a couple times during walks (because he sprints after other dogs) and developed anxiety about walking him. I was a hands-off mom, which was hard on the poor Husband.
And then one day, The Monster was less of an asshole. And the following day even more so. With his new found maturity I decided it was time to face my fears. I downed an Ativan with a glass of wine and ventured out with my giant beast. We made it a few blocks before my heart started palpitating. But I came home unscathed and congratulated myself for my show of courage. Each day thereafter, Dexter and I walked a little further and I got a little more comfortable and we continued to work on his training. Today, I’m proud to announce to you all (because I know you care about these things) that we hit the two mile mark without a single incident!
With a lot of training, a dash of patience and a dose of prescription medication, I am now one of those people who can take a casual stroll with her animal!
Photo via The Husband
I am imitating a very important person this week as I had the pleasure of hearing Ms. Ashley Judd speak of her childhood abuse at a womens’ luncheon this afternoon and have been invited to sit in the presence of the Dalai Lama on Wednesday morning for a speech on peace and justice. The freaking Dalai Lama you guys. Just another day in the life.
Seriously though, I scored the invites through work and I feel pretty lucky to be enlightened by His Holiness. Also, Ashley Judd is the image of health and beauty. She glows.
And last but not least, we took The Monster on a long walk this weekend and I forced him to take some pictures with me. He’s growing up so fast.
Glimpse into my weekend:
Whiskey flight – I managed one sip
Monster play
My bff got engaged – Seriously look at that sparkler
Vintage beetle
Happy hour saki and Prosecco
Got my nails did – I contemplated shades of red for a good 8 minutes
I also saw Lindsay Lohan on Saturday Night Live and felt sad.
